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What is Authenticity?- Morgan Smith

5/1/2013

10 Comments

 
What is authenticity? 

According to dictionary.com authentic means “not false or copied; genuine; real.” That which is authentic is “supported by unquestionable evidence” and “entitled to acceptance or belief because of correspondence with known facts or experience.”

According to Wikipedia, authenticity is “the degree to which one is true to one’s own personality, spirit or character, despite external pressures.” 

To me, authenticity is strength in character; courage. When someone is courageous, it is not that they are fearless.  True courage is being able to overcome fear.  In the same sense, true authenticity is to feel the pressures of the world and it’s ‘shoulds,’ and to chose to be yourself regardless.

Philosophers, too, have agued deeply about the meaning of this word. To Kierkegaard, authenticity is, “a state of being achieved by facing reality, making a choice and then passionately sticking to that choice.” To Neitzsche an authentic man is someone who, “elevates himself over others in order to transcend the limits of conventional morality, in an attempt to decide for one’s self about good and evil.”

However, regardless of your definition of authenticity, several facts underlie all these definitions. First, individuals are in a social and material world, and experiencing social/material pressures that are totally separate from themselves as people.  Second, individuals are fundamentally responsible to shape their own beliefs, act upon them and tell the truth about them.

Finally, it is important to tease apart authenticity and uniqueness.  Being authentic does not mean that you need to behave outside of the norms of society.  Science has shown us that, as a species, we are more alike than different, and often one’s own true path will correspond with social norms.  But, in order to truly be authentic, one must be willing to do the work to understand the drives and motives behind societal prescriptions for behaviour and be willing to accept or reject them on their own grounds, rather than simply because they are prescribed.

What Gets Between Us and Authenticity

I think that it is obvious to say that, inherently, most people strive to be authentic.  We naturally want to be our true selves.  However, I think that it is also safe to say, few people succeed at that all of the time. So what gets between people and their true selves?

Fear of disconnection

As Ms Brown points out in the video, connection is the most important thing.

According to her, “connection is why we are here,” it is “what gives us purpose and meaning.”  All too often, it is this deep need for connection and a desperate fear of not having it, that keeps some from being themselves. 

This is the paradox of chasing affection.  If one alters one’s self in order to receive love, one may receive love.  However, it is the altered self and not the true self that is loved.  The fear of disconnection creates the very  disconnection that it fears.

Need for perfection

Striving for your ‘best’ self is not to be confused with striving for your ‘authentic’ self.  We all want to be our best and I think that sometimes we sacrifice our authenticity in order to feel closer to that ideal persona. We stretch the truth a bit; amplify our virtues and downplay our weaknesses in order to get what we want.  In the moment if feels good; we are liked and excepted for our great qualities. However, over time, that voice of truth creeps in and reminds of that we don’t quite fill those shoes.  That in some sense, this stretching, makes one a fraud.

The truth is we are ALL imperfect and struggling. It’s has always been funny to me how easy it is for my to accept imperfection and struggle in others, when it is simultaneously so hard for me to admit myself. Again paradoxically I think that letting go of the need to be perfect at everything will allow one the space to get great at something.

Avoidance of discomfort

Who wants to feel bad? No one.  And when one feels bad it is almost instinctive to numb that feeling.  We all have our ways, be it banana nut muffins, beers, cigarettes or embarrassing television shows, we all find our tools to avoid our pain.  Sometimes it is uncomfortable to be authentic, and we numb that pain. Unfortunately, as Ms Brown so aptly points out.  We cannot numb selectively. If you numb fear, disappointment and loneliness you also numb joy, gratitude and laughter.  It’s a package deal.

This is the sad truth about avoidance.  If you avoid the bad, you are also avoiding the good.  Then you feel worse, avoid some more, and the cycle continues.  And I think sometimes we lose ourselves in the avoidance.

Strategies for Moving Toward Authenticity:

Authenticity, for me, is a bit of a moving target.  My authentic self changes and I have to constantly change how I express it.  I never really feel as though I have arrived but these tricks have helped me feel as though I am getting closer to my authentic self all of the time:

1. Know without a doubt that you are worthy of love and affection.

2. Accept that you are imperfect. Let go of the past, it does not define you.

3. Define yourself and stick to your definition. Brene is a researcher/storyteller. Who are you?  If you are not sure pay attention to what excites you, or try asking a few people that you love. I don’t know is not an acceptable answer. Figure it out.

4. Be willing to show up with your truth and be vulnerable even if it is uncomfortable.  Feel it all; both good and bad.

5. Act as if it is easy to be authentic and you love your authentic self.  Eventually this will be true.

6. Develop a core group of people, such as this group who know the authentic you and will hold you accountable to be that person.


10 Comments
Jen
5/9/2013 03:44:15 pm

Tonight was brilliant. The Authenticity of presence, spirit, and sacred space was shared with whole hearts. My authentic heart has expanded immensely from this opportunity to share with you all.
Thank you!
I loved the a-ha moments tonight! Specifically the ones that had to do with family. This process is such a sweet way to learn. Everyone's thoughts gives such valid insight to the collective.
Hiyaya! (Victory of the heart)

Reply
Wendy
5/10/2013 12:56:05 am

Last night was amazing, Ladies!! OMG I feel so full and blessed this morning to have such a community to 'fill-up' with!!

My message from 'The Universe' - a.k.a. Mike Dooley today:)

"You know, Wendy, you've been blessed, with a great number of gifts. Your insights, good taste, and savoir-faire (French noun phrase that means being adaptable and adroit, knowing what to do in any situation). Friends who adore you, elements that support you, and spiritual laws that serve you. Yet, in my book at least, what really takes the cake, Wendy, is that you get to be you."

I send this thought out to all of you today...insert your name where mine is and savour the feelings of being uniquely YOU!

Super Hugs:)

ONE AND ONLY YOU
Every single blade of grass,
And every flake of snow--
Is just a wee bit different ...
There’s no two alike, you know.

From something small, like grains of sand,
To each gigantic star
All were made with THIS in mind:
To be just what they are!

How foolish then, to imitate--
How useless to pretend!
Since each of us comes from a MIND
Whose ideas never end.

There’ll only be just ONE of ME
To show what I can do--
And you should likewise feel very proud,
There’s only ONE of YOU.

That is where it all starts
With you, a wonderful
unlimited human being.
~James T. Moore

Reply
Jen
5/13/2013 02:08:05 am

Thank you so much for sharing this "note" from the Universe! I love Mike Dooley's messages and this one is so fitting for our theme this month. Seeing how we are made as a piece of the whole enables us to shift again out of the mindset of aloneness.. yet at the same time allows us to know and embrace our uniqueness.
Bright love!

Reply
Wendy
5/10/2013 01:37:06 am

Dedicated to each one of you...unique points of light!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CR71QwLjSM

Reply
Shellana
5/10/2013 08:45:29 am

I am so grateful for this community of 'like minded' people. I feel full of love and light. I look forward to learning more about myself on this spirtual journey and having you all to share with along the way. Thank you to Jen and Danica for all of your hard work and dedication to make this all possible.
Namaste

Reply
Jen
5/13/2013 02:09:43 am

Thank you Shellana. We are grateful for your presence, sharing and recognition.. it is exciting to watch our processes unfold. So happy you have joined us!

Reply
Danica
5/16/2013 04:37:26 pm

Strength and knowledge of self is so attractive and liberating. I respect and admire when a friend can laugh at themselves or shares their truth. This is especially powerful when it is clearly in alignment with personal choices and lifestyle. I am at ease when I know you are authentic. I can show my true self and allow a deeper more meaningful connection.

Reply
cindy
5/22/2013 02:42:12 pm

Looking forward to getting to know myself a bit better in such a great environment. thanks Jen & Danica

Reply
Jen Larsen
5/24/2013 05:05:23 am

We are delighted to have you Cindy. Each gathering brings forth so many new opportunities for growth.. we really have creating something magical.

Reply
Jen Larsen link
5/24/2013 05:06:24 am

We are all capable of the best and the worst that humanity has to offer and knowing this allows us to find compassion.

From time to time, we may all feel fed up with humanity, whether it’s from learning about what’s going on around the world, or what’s going on next door. There are always situations that leave us feeling as if people are simply not capable of behaving in a way that is coming from a place of awareness. Often it seems as if people are actually geared to handle things in the worst possible way, repeatedly. At the same time, none of us wants to linger in a judgmental mood about our own species. As a result, we might tend to repress the feelings coming up as we take in the news from the world and the neighborhood.

It is natural to feel let down and disappointed when we see our fellow humans behaving in ways that are greedy, selfish, violent, or uncaring, but there are also ways to process that disappointment without sinking into despondency. As with any emotional response, we honor our feelings by feeling them fully, without judging or acting on them. Once we’ve done that—and we may need to do it every day, as part of our daily self-care—we can begin to consider ways that we might help the situation in which humanity finds itself.

As always, we start with ourselves, utilizing our awareness of the failings of others to renew our own commitment to be more conscious human beings. We are all capable of the best and the worst that humanity has to offer, and remembering this keeps us in check, as well as allowing us to find compassion for others. We may find ourselves feeling compelled to serve people who are suffering injustices at the hands of other people, or we may begin to speak out when we see something that we don’t think is right. Whatever the case, the only thing we can do is pledge to serve the best, rather than the worst, of what humanity has to offer, both in the world, and in ourselves.

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