What is authenticity? 

According to dictionary.com authentic means “not false or copied; genuine; real.” That which is authentic is “supported by unquestionable evidence” and “entitled to acceptance or belief because of correspondence with known facts or experience.”

According to Wikipedia, authenticity is “the degree to which one is true to one’s own personality, spirit or character, despite external pressures.” 

To me, authenticity is strength in character; courage. When someone is courageous, it is not that they are fearless.  True courage is being able to overcome fear.  In the same sense, true authenticity is to feel the pressures of the world and it’s ‘shoulds,’ and to chose to be yourself regardless.

Philosophers, too, have agued deeply about the meaning of this word. To Kierkegaard, authenticity is, “a state of being achieved by facing reality, making a choice and then passionately sticking to that choice.” To Neitzsche an authentic man is someone who, “elevates himself over others in order to transcend the limits of conventional morality, in an attempt to decide for one’s self about good and evil.”

However, regardless of your definition of authenticity, several facts underlie all these definitions. First, individuals are in a social and material world, and experiencing social/material pressures that are totally separate from themselves as people.  Second, individuals are fundamentally responsible to shape their own beliefs, act upon them and tell the truth about them.

Finally, it is important to tease apart authenticity and uniqueness.  Being authentic does not mean that you need to behave outside of the norms of society.  Science has shown us that, as a species, we are more alike than different, and often one’s own true path will correspond with social norms.  But, in order to truly be authentic, one must be willing to do the work to understand the drives and motives behind societal prescriptions for behaviour and be willing to accept or reject them on their own grounds, rather than simply because they are prescribed.

What Gets Between Us and Authenticity

I think that it is obvious to say that, inherently, most people strive to be authentic.  We naturally want to be our true selves.  However, I think that it is also safe to say, few people succeed at that all of the time. So what gets between people and their true selves?

Fear of disconnection

As Ms Brown points out in the video, connection is the most important thing.

According to her, “connection is why we are here,” it is “what gives us purpose and meaning.”  All too often, it is this deep need for connection and a desperate fear of not having it, that keeps some from being themselves. 

This is the paradox of chasing affection.  If one alters one’s self in order to receive love, one may receive love.  However, it is the altered self and not the true self that is loved.  The fear of disconnection creates the very  disconnection that it fears.

Need for perfection

Striving for your ‘best’ self is not to be confused with striving for your ‘authentic’ self.  We all want to be our best and I think that sometimes we sacrifice our authenticity in order to feel closer to that ideal persona. We stretch the truth a bit; amplify our virtues and downplay our weaknesses in order to get what we want.  In the moment if feels good; we are liked and excepted for our great qualities. However, over time, that voice of truth creeps in and reminds of that we don’t quite fill those shoes.  That in some sense, this stretching, makes one a fraud.

The truth is we are ALL imperfect and struggling. It’s has always been funny to me how easy it is for my to accept imperfection and struggle in others, when it is simultaneously so hard for me to admit myself. Again paradoxically I think that letting go of the need to be perfect at everything will allow one the space to get great at something.

Avoidance of discomfort

Who wants to feel bad? No one.  And when one feels bad it is almost instinctive to numb that feeling.  We all have our ways, be it banana nut muffins, beers, cigarettes or embarrassing television shows, we all find our tools to avoid our pain.  Sometimes it is uncomfortable to be authentic, and we numb that pain. Unfortunately, as Ms Brown so aptly points out.  We cannot numb selectively. If you numb fear, disappointment and loneliness you also numb joy, gratitude and laughter.  It’s a package deal.

This is the sad truth about avoidance.  If you avoid the bad, you are also avoiding the good.  Then you feel worse, avoid some more, and the cycle continues.  And I think sometimes we lose ourselves in the avoidance.

Strategies for Moving Toward Authenticity:

Authenticity, for me, is a bit of a moving target.  My authentic self changes and I have to constantly change how I express it.  I never really feel as though I have arrived but these tricks have helped me feel as though I am getting closer to my authentic self all of the time:

1. Know without a doubt that you are worthy of love and affection.

2. Accept that you are imperfect. Let go of the past, it does not define you.

3. Define yourself and stick to your definition. Brene is a researcher/storyteller. Who are you?  If you are not sure pay attention to what excites you, or try asking a few people that you love. I don’t know is not an acceptable answer. Figure it out.

4. Be willing to show up with your truth and be vulnerable even if it is uncomfortable.  Feel it all; both good and bad.

5. Act as if it is easy to be authentic and you love your authentic self.  Eventually this will be true.

6. Develop a core group of people, such as this group who know the authentic you and will hold you accountable to be that person.